I think I have a problem.  I started running for weight loss about 5 months ago. Anyone who knows me and even a few who don't can attest to the fact that I am not a huge workout fan.  For years I avoided it all together until I decided that enough was enough.  

So, I strapped on some shoes and downloaded the Couch to 5k App that I had briefly used late last year and started running.  And, at first, I hated it.   The only thing that kept me going was my stubborn desire to lose weight combined with my inability to allow things to completely overcome me.  

As I kept at it, and the months passed, the weight started dropping off I slowly started shifting my thinking (and the way that I was running) and realized the great benefits running had brought to my life.  

1. It gave me a time that was just for me to think as I pleased.  Just me and my music.  

2. It helped keep my eating in check because if I was going to feel like I was going to die for half an hour, I sure as hell was going to make sure I didn't destroy my efforts with garbage.  

3. It made me feel good about myself, like I had accomplished something I hadn't before thought possible.

4. I discovered I actually enjoy pushing myself to my own personal physical limits.  There is no feeling like it.  

5. Combined with other types of exercises I was doing, I was losing weight, and finding a part of me I thought I had lost.  

So, you would think, great, good for you, you found something awesome.  But.  No.  It's never that easy.  

About two weeks ago, after a five mile hike that included some extremely steep hills, this pain in my leg flared up.  At first I ignored it, thought it would get better, even ran a time or two before it became so bad I could barely walk. Diagnosed as slight bursitis in my hip; rest and NSAIDS recommended. 

Running and other weight bearing exercise halted and/or majorly modified.  And although it is slowly getting better, the effects of  not being able to run are creeping up on me.  

1. I am far more irritable and bitingly sarcastic.

2. I have far less patience for nonsense and BS.

3. I am slowly starting to eat things I was disallowing myself before.  

4. Walking, my chosen form of exercise in the past, makes me want to cry now.  

5. I am extremely fearful of losing my ability to run and having to start all over.  Not to mention the inevitable weight gain if I can't get back on track. 

Basically, I miss it.  I miss it the way the way you miss your bratty little brother.  Sure it's annoying and makes you want to kill yourself, but you like having it around regardless.  You get used to it.  It becomes comfortable and you even look forward to it after a while.  And then poof, it's gone.  A part of your life is missing.  

And although I feel like any day I will be able to run again, I secretly fear I will never be able to again.  That would be awful!  And I know I have to be kind to my body and not over do it and I won't. BUT.  I'm pretty sure I am addicted and I like it that way!!!