New Year, Same me (with minor modifications)!

So it's been a while since I have used this blog.  But today at 4 in the morning, plagued by insomnia, I made some decisions and set some weight loss goals.  I have been on a somewhat topsy turvy cycle with my weight and I am ready to conquer them once and for all.  I just turned 39 and I am adamant in my desire to get my weight in check, once and for all, before I turn 40.

I know what to do, I more or less now how to do it, but the main roadblocks I hit involve complacency, laziness and a love of eating whatever I want to eat.  See, I am a pretty confident person.  I like myself, I want everyone to like me for who I am, not who I could be if I lost weight. So I get stubborn and use that stubbornness to keep me from meeting my own damn goals.

Yes, it's kind of ridiculous and I am ready to look a bit deeper into the real reasons I have prevented myself from pushing through and meeting those goals.  I know some of them and am not quite prepared to reveal them here but that will come with time.

I want to lose 43 pounds in 24 weeks.  This is roughly two thirds of my total weight loss goal but I want to break it up to make it seem a lot easier.  My first official goal is 11 pounds by February 20th. I have probably lost this 11 pounds 3 times in the past two years but I really want this time to stick and go further past it.

I am going to focus on eating right and working out but also on making permanent changes and not over-doing it so that I can't work out and therefore let the whole thing go. This has been my pattern.  I work out and eat healthy until I get injured then I throw it all away.

I also have to vow to myself that even if I get injured that I cannot let me eating slip.  And that even if I don't lose any weight one week that I will not let that deter me or eat at my self esteem and throw me off my path.

My fitness current plan is as follows:

12,000 Fitbit steps every day no matter what
5-6 Cardio workouts per week
3-4 Resistance workouts per week
30 days of Betty Rocker Workouts

My eating plan:
Severely limit white flour, sugar and fried foods
Limit potatoes and other starches to 1-2 times per week
Increase fiber intake every day
Increase fruit/vegetable intake every day
Focus on clean eating and finding filling foods that are also delicious
Drink Water and Iced Tea, limit sodas and other carbonated beverages

Here are the NOW pics...plan to take pics as every goal comes along for comparison.  Excuse the dirty mirror, that's a whole other set of resolutions!!!

       



Anyway, thanks for reading and your support along my weight loss journey!!!

I think I have a problem.  I started running for weight loss about 5 months ago. Anyone who knows me and even a few who don't can attest to the fact that I am not a huge workout fan.  For years I avoided it all together until I decided that enough was enough.  

So, I strapped on some shoes and downloaded the Couch to 5k App that I had briefly used late last year and started running.  And, at first, I hated it.   The only thing that kept me going was my stubborn desire to lose weight combined with my inability to allow things to completely overcome me.  

As I kept at it, and the months passed, the weight started dropping off I slowly started shifting my thinking (and the way that I was running) and realized the great benefits running had brought to my life.  

1. It gave me a time that was just for me to think as I pleased.  Just me and my music.  

2. It helped keep my eating in check because if I was going to feel like I was going to die for half an hour, I sure as hell was going to make sure I didn't destroy my efforts with garbage.  

3. It made me feel good about myself, like I had accomplished something I hadn't before thought possible.

4. I discovered I actually enjoy pushing myself to my own personal physical limits.  There is no feeling like it.  

5. Combined with other types of exercises I was doing, I was losing weight, and finding a part of me I thought I had lost.  

So, you would think, great, good for you, you found something awesome.  But.  No.  It's never that easy.  

About two weeks ago, after a five mile hike that included some extremely steep hills, this pain in my leg flared up.  At first I ignored it, thought it would get better, even ran a time or two before it became so bad I could barely walk. Diagnosed as slight bursitis in my hip; rest and NSAIDS recommended. 

Running and other weight bearing exercise halted and/or majorly modified.  And although it is slowly getting better, the effects of  not being able to run are creeping up on me.  

1. I am far more irritable and bitingly sarcastic.

2. I have far less patience for nonsense and BS.

3. I am slowly starting to eat things I was disallowing myself before.  

4. Walking, my chosen form of exercise in the past, makes me want to cry now.  

5. I am extremely fearful of losing my ability to run and having to start all over.  Not to mention the inevitable weight gain if I can't get back on track. 

Basically, I miss it.  I miss it the way the way you miss your bratty little brother.  Sure it's annoying and makes you want to kill yourself, but you like having it around regardless.  You get used to it.  It becomes comfortable and you even look forward to it after a while.  And then poof, it's gone.  A part of your life is missing.  

And although I feel like any day I will be able to run again, I secretly fear I will never be able to again.  That would be awful!  And I know I have to be kind to my body and not over do it and I won't. BUT.  I'm pretty sure I am addicted and I like it that way!!!